Saturday, 6 October 2007

Why is it?

Why is it, I wonder, that in any group where a large gathering of women occurs on a regular basis, that there are the Cliquey elements, the Intermediates (who seem to flow in and out of the Cliquey group, as they wish to) and then there are the Outsiders (the ones that are just there. Occasionally recognised or spoken to by the Intermediates and only by the Cliquey when they need something from them).

There is the constant shifting of loyalties within the Cliquey and Intermediates and the occasional power plays. Bitching sessions are held regularly in hushed tones that are made just loud enough for the outsiders to hear snippets, putting the outsiders in their place, telling them so that they KNOW they are not included. Then there is the LOUD "Everyone can hear it" sessions, so that everyone will KNOW how special, elite and powerful the Cliquey group are.

I wonder this as I sit to the side whilst waiting for my children at school functions, sports events, sports practice sessions, and many other occasions where i see the same women present every time. It is like going back to 8th grade in highschool really, it hasn't changed a bit.

Do men act like this when there are no women present?

In one group i observe regularly, there is also the token male present, the husband of one of the Intermediates. He bitches, carries on, is part of the Cliquey inner circle, and puts on his show of dominance on a regular basis. Puffs out his chest and does his warcry (booming voice of authority). Does he not realise they are making fun of him, letting him behave like an idiot for their enjoyment, that they then bitch about him when he isn't there?

Does all of society act this way? Cause I don't get it. I didn't get it in highschool and I still don't get the need for it now. Maybe that makes me the weird one lol, oh well, I am enjoying my weirdness and have no need to be part of any innercircle.


Precious_1 said...

I'm thinking that it happens everywhere - hubby notices it at work and there are 110 guys to 2 women, so its not the females leading the way there. It was definately the biggest factor in our fire brigade getting shut down - the cliquiness and powerplays got so out of control that the brigade could no longer function properly. Its definately present on the P& F committee at school.

I wasn't much good at in high school and aint much good at it now.

Kelley said...

Hi gorgeous,

I was only talking about this yesterday with one of my guy friends. His son is in kinder and he can't understand what is going on. So I explained it to him plain and simple 'Remember what girls were like in highschool? well these are the girls that never grew up.'

I suppose I am lucky, I am in the 'cliquey' group cause I have the token kid with a disability. But I am friendly with everyone and don't get into the bitch sessions. They probably bitch about me behind my back but I am old enough now to not care. But I do have the 'outsiders' group shun me. Meh. I don't care. I am not at the school for popularity...

Don't worry about it babe, we love ya and you really don't want to be in with those biatches anyway, they are boring and apparently their sh!t smells like plastic.

Oh, and I just added you to my blogroll of 'wanna be my friend' :)

Dollfinn! said...

Ooh am on someones friends list, yayy.

LOL at your friend with the son in kinder, is he having trouble understanding the kindy girls or the mothers standing around bitching at drop off/pick up times.

I cant beleive how cliquey even the kids are these days, I am sure they werent like that when i was little, but maybe i was just too busy to notice it as much then.

I noticed it last year when DD was in Kindy, this year her new kindy class is much better and all 8 girls get on so well together as well as with the boys.

Precious it is really bad when it affects things like the rfs and means people dont get access to the services they need (such as the rfs).

DD school parent committee has too many hidden levels, because it is a christian school, and teachers have to be the right denomination and kids are not welcome, so if you dont have a babysitter you cant attend and i have found that not being of the same denomination, i am not taken seriously even if i have more knowledge on the subject in hand than anyone else does.

The kids daycare i was on the comittee for years, as a number filler, to get the quorum etc. I always felt that i wasnt taken seriously there either, like the last year, when i finally got a "position" as treasurer, yet never got to see a single document all year, and was asked to table treasurers reports i hadnt even seen before the meeting. I beleived this was because i was a younger mother who had no outside career, where as the powerhouse of the committee there for years were all career women.

So now i just dont bother. I might not have a blazing career yet, but i believe i have perspectives and knowledge that is still very much relevant and useful and they are missing out on those.

People literally turn their noses up when they ask me what sort of work i do and i say i am not working, that i am a student and a mother.

Whereas it just doesnt occur to me to think that way. I tend to judge people by how they treat me or my kids or animals etc and by how they treat their own kids and animals, not wether they are popular, have a career, have money or fancy car or any of those things.